You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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