Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
