then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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