if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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