My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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