Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I am available for nakedness
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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