Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
