No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
In other news, I just burned my penis
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
