Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
