he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
