Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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