i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
