so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
