Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
