do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
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