You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
