the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
