Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He passed out mid-signature
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
