I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Moan for me like Helen Keller
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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