there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
