They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
