I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
