She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
