i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
