Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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