Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
