Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize