Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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