If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
