I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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