Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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