I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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