so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
