Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
