in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
