why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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