I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
our cab driver is having phone sex.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
my liver is dry heaving
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
