Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
