he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
