He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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