i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
wow bdsm is so cute
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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