he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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