Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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