dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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