I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
