I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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