After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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