I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
