Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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