you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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