jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
