i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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