Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
