trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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