Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
