i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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