I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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