just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
