if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
