Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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