At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
