I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm passing your future prison.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
