i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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