am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
