I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
